Monday 2/4/06

Jess woke at 2.30 and niggled for a while.  She then went back to sleep and woke an hour later.  She stayed awake until just before 6pm, again she had a very soiled nappy.  I had changed her at 2.30 (as it was very wet).  I fortunately changed the crappy nappy before the contents all spilled out.  Jess felt a bit clammy and had vomited a bit so the back of her baby grow was wet, so I put baby powder on her and changed her outfit as well as her nappy.  By this time it was 6.30 and my schedule was totally thrown.  I still hadn’t made bottles or done lunches or breakfast.  I got into the shower at 7.05am and we left the house at 7.25am.  I called Tiny Tots and arranged that Jade spend the day.  I will have to make another plan for Tuesday.  I dropped off Jade and fetched Zerelda and Shirean.  We were only running behind by 10min.  We still got to work on time.

I’m filing like there is no tomorrow….  Wayne is happy as he can now clear some paper off his desk J.

Sunday 2/4/06

Jade & Jess slept over at Bird and went to Church with her.  First they went into Bird’s work – she is a social worker at South Coast Recovery Center which is literally 50m up the road.  1 of the patients did Jade’s hair and it looked amazing.  She twisted it into little coils and tufted out the ends – Jade looked like she had been to a hairdresser – I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture.  Jade enjoyed going to Church and Jess was apparently very well behaved.  They only came home just before 12.

I spent the time alone doing chores.  I eventually hooked up and set up the computer and loaded the ‘Bookworm’ program.  I had asked for curtain rails to be put up in the lounge as there are only blinds which when open, don’t give any privacy.  The rails were put up last week already; I’ve just not been home or had the energy to put up net curtain and fabric curtain.  I did this on Sunday.  I’m such a perfectionist that I have to count out the exact number of hooks and they have to be exactly and evenly spaced.  I count how many runners there are and how many loops on the curtain and calculate how many spaces between each hook.   Now when you have net curtaining that is about 6 meters long, that is a lot of loops and hooks.  But it’s done now and looks fabulous – more homely and more private.

I had to re-wash the linen as I got it started on Saturday and left before it was done, so I didn’t hang out.  It smoldered overnight and when I wanted to hang it out it smelt a bit miff, so I had to wash again.  Can’t wait to try my new tumble dryer, but don’t want to waste electricity.  The weather was good enough to dry the washing so didn’t have opportunity.  Besides its so warm inside, I didn’t want to bake with the dryer on.  Oh yes, I made space in my flat so it’s not in the garage.

When Jade got home I made us French toast for lunch, I haven’t had French toast in ages.  After lunch (just after 2pm) the washing was taken off the line and we went to have the car washed.  It started to rain as we pulled up to the car wash.  I just had a wash and go, no point in drying the car etc.  Thank goodness the washing was off the line.  Errol had arranged to meet at my place at 3pm, so we dashed home.  He didn’t pitch and eventually sent me a sms at 3.24 “Hi Cherel (he can’t even spell my name correctly – idiot), I’m not going to make it today, sorry, will pay main next week if O.K., don’t have it at the mo, c u later.”

Invited Bird for supper, we played Bookworm for a while and then Bird went home.  Jade & I stayed up to watch the latest Bridget Jones movie on M-Net, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  I don’t think it was age appropriate for Jade and I told her to go to her bed, but she didn’t.  As Jade doesn’t have her own room, it’s difficult to send her to bed to have privacy and I really wanted to watch the movie.  Jess didn’t want to go to sleep and fought for about an hour before finally tiring herself out and going to sleep.

I was up until 11 doing dishes and bottles.  I have started using new ‘big bottles’ which replace the little 125ml bottles, which Jess has now outgrown.  If she is better will have to take her for her injections on Tuesday.  I had made arrangements with Demi’s mom – Kim for Jade to play on Monday and Tuesday.  I had phoned a couple of times in the afternoon to confirm and just got voicemail,  eventually at about 8pm she answered her phone and regretted to tell me that Demi was spending the week at her Dad in Durban, so Jade couldn’t spend the 2 days.  DAM!!!! DAM!!!! DAM!!!  I mean its 8pm at night and now what am I going to do with Jade?????  I have no option but to send her to Tiny tots.  Jade is not impressed – neither am I.

Saturday 1/4

After Jessie’s 5am feed we cuddled and played and eventually she went back to sleep at about 7am.  We then slept some more.  I got up at 10.30 and did the bottle brigade and had a shower.  Jess woke up while I was in the shower and by the time I got out was in full voice.  She had an extremely dirty nappy, so much so that it was out the sides and up the back.  Oi Vey, not a weekend goes by where my bedding is not soiled.  I worry about the mattress.  I do have a mattress protector on, but not a waterproof.  I need to find where it’s been packed so I can put it on the bed.  I bathed Jess and washed the soiled linen.

Picked Jade up at 1pm and met Tiffany’s Gran & partner.  They stay in Faerie Glen Estate and my gosh it’s BEAUTIFUL!  Their unit is on the river (not sure what the name of the river is, but it runs out by Margate main beach).  They say that they even have a fish eagle that prey’s on the fish, there are ducks and geese and the foliage is just so breathtaking.  The view from their balcony is just so WOW.  Tranquil and serene.  The girls had lots of fun on the trampoline and swimming.

After picking up Jade, we went to Anchorage.  Angi had already gone to dog training.  So I parked off on the couch and watched the recording of Wednesday’s American Idol.  Aimee had a friend over and they were a handful as one minute they were friends then they were fighting then they were in tears.  It’s enough to make you never want to have any children – an active advert for birth control.  I went to fetch the tumble dryer and drop it off at home.  The Anchorage gardener helped me – man power.  The girls stayed at Anchorage. When I got back, Johan had an afternoon nap and I looked after all the girls.

Aimee’s friend has a lice infestation.  Just as Angi had cleared Aimee’s head…..  Thank goodness Jade hasn’t got any – I do check regularly.  Jade is no longer bathing with Aimee, so at least there is a reduced risk, but still the risk is there.  My head has been itching since Saturday.  I hope I don’t have – I will have to ask Angi to have a look tonight.  Please Heavenly Father, let it not be Lice as quite frankly I just don’t have the money to buy the lice spray or shampoo.

We stayed for supper – Johan made a delicious chicken roast.  The accommodation was going mad, when Angi came home at 5pm Johan was running like a headless chicken, with new guests arriving, sorting out parking, dealing with complaints and trying to cook.  The power went off at about 6.30pm and supper wasn’t ready.  It was an Eskom problem so we had to wait for the Eskom Techie to come out.  The guests were not impressed with having no power.  Power was restored at about 8pm and we ate eventually.  We only got home at 10pm

Bird was to have the girls sleep over on Sat.  I sms’d her on the way home and when we got home, she came over.  Bird would have Jess sleep over every night if I let her.  She has said that Jade can spend weekends.  Bird has really opened up her heart to Jade & Jess and calls them her adopted daughters.  Bird’s Mom sent down a parcel for Bird and sent MORE clothes for Jade.  Jade is now fully kitted for winter. 

Friday 31/03/06

I can't believe that it is already the end of the third month already.

Mom comes down to Margate on the evening of the 13/4 - that's like 15 more sleeps.  She is taking the overnight bus which gets to Margate at 6am on the 14th .  I can't wait, Jade is also SO excited!!!

Had to fetch Jade and Aimee after work.  Jade had dancing from 4-5pm so I didn't have to be at the school dead on 5pm.  Angi let Aimee's nursery know that I'd pick her up late (by 5.15).

I have made a plan for the school holidays for Jade instead of going with Aimee to Tiny Tots.  She is spending the day on Monday and Tuesday with her friend Demi.  Wednesday she is staying at Anchorage with Aimee.  Thursday and Friday she is spending the day with her friend Tiffany - whom she is going home with after school today (school closes at 11am).  Jade is sleeping the night at Tiffany tonight (Fri 31/3)

I miss going to Chiro  - although I'm so doped up with pain pills to make the pain bearable.  I miss seeing Grant.  What a yummy fella.  I think I have a crush on him.  At least I am starting to notice the opposite sex again.  But I'm still way off men and relationships.

Talking about men, I got an sms from Errol last night - "Hi there, sorry I been so scarce lately, got a lot lot on at the mo, will come past this weekend if O.K. How's Jessica doing?".   Like I don't have a lot on MY plate???  He is welcome to come over as long as he brings me maintenance LOL.

Another reason money is situation is shitty, is that I promised myself that with my Tax Return money I would either get a Digital Camera or Tumble Dryer.  I did my agonising analysis and came tot he conclusion that a Tumble Dryer is far more useful - to all of us, especially with Winter 'net om die hoek', and considering how often it rains.  Besides with me upgrading to the Samsung D600 - it's a compramise.  Anyway, there was an advert on the 'marketplace' on the Intranet.  I contacted the seller and I'm now a proud owner of a Defy Tumble Dryer which is only 3months old - purchase slip and garantee included for R1000.  I priced brand new dryers and the cheapest I could find was for R1699.  The seller apparently bought it for R2300 - so I got a bargain (I hope).  She is selling because she is upgrading to the LG 2 in 1.  I will make a plan to fetch dryer on Saturday.  Seller stays in Margate - so it's not far to go.  I've made a plan with my landlord to put it in the garage as there is no space in my flat.  There is a plug point so can use.

Didn't have supper at Angi last night, nor could I watch the recording of American Idols, so we got home early (by 6am - this is a record).  Bird came over and I cooked supper.  What a disaster (you know I'm not domestically inclined).  The rice overcooked and turned into pap.  The gemsquash was vrot when I opened it after cooking.  The other mixed veg had freezer burn and were yucky. The only thing that was passable was the grilled chicken breasts done on my George Foreman.  But it filled the gap and we were gratefull for having what we did when there are thousands starving.

Bird took Jess again last night.  We kept her awake until 9pm and her eye's were rolling by the time we let her sleep.  Bird said she only woke up at 3 & 5am.  Jess still is having screaming fits - at 5am, so Bird gave her a little Panado.  I have gotten some great advice for getting Jess to sleep through.  Thanks Mish and Natalie.  Mish I have spoken with Serah to work with me.  Natalie I will try the Rescue drops and giving Jess a bit  (1/2 spoon) of 'Rice porridge' in her supper bottle.  Jess is still only having 4 bottles of 150ml a day.  Any more and she just spits out or vomits up - so why waste is my attitude. Jess will be 18 weeks next Tuesday 4/4/06. 

I feel much much better today after having another good night sleep.  Took quite a handful of pills last night and slept dead until the alarm rudely woke me at 5.30am  I will have Jess stay at home for a while now.  I am SOOOOO greatful to Bird for giving me this invaluable gift of 'time out'.

But it's back to work for me - I STILL haven't done my filing!!!  Wayne is giving me lashings (verbally), but I'd really rather have my coccyx removed than doing filing LOL.  Friday is filing day.

Go Well, Go Schell!! 

Ha ha ha – you are going to laugh at this….

I was trying out my ‘kneeling chair’ again – I still prefer the visitors chair – but thought that I would give the darn thing a 2^nd chance.  So there I was with my ass hanging over the back of the bum perch, feeling quite comfortable and thinking this is not so bad.  I wasn’t really kneeling, but the pressure was off the tail bone. I then wheeled back to get out from behind my desk (well at least I tried) and the ‘chair' moved a few cm and then tipped over backwards landing me painfully on my backside and back.  Thank goodness I’m wearing pants today or else I would have been exposed with my legs sticking up in the air.  It must have been comical to see, at first I failed to see the humor, but now I have regained my sence of humor.  Only my pride and dignity were bruised.

Me and this chair ARE going to make friends….  I’m taking Cataflam twice a day and pumping myself full of pain pills when I go to bed.  Not the most ideal situation, but it’s affordable and makes the pain bearable.  LOL 

Friday 31/03/06

It was so nice to go straight home after work on Friday.  I could even watch some of my soapies for a change.  Berdine came over and we went into Margate and got Chicken Burgers from Tiago's.  We then came back to my place and watched TV and looked at each other's photo's.  Jess slept at home with me and woke up at 2am & 5am.

Thursday 30/03/06

I experienced rough sea's yesterday and last night, but I've weathered the storm and this morning I in calmer water.

It was such a rush to get out of work yesterday.  Angi called at 3.30pm to say that her car was not back from the mechanic, so she couldn't pick up Jade.  I arranged with lift club to leave promptly at 4.30.  Donovan wasn't traveling with us.  We took the highway which is much quicker and Shirean arranged for Greg (her long time partner) to pick her up from the offramp in Margate, so I didn't have to double back to Uvongo to drop her off.  I had tried to call the school to tell the homework club teachers that I would be late, but my call wasn't answered.  Jade called at 2min to 5pm and I told her that I was a block away, to walk down to the gate and wait for me.  After picking up Jade, I dropped off Zerelda and then went to Angi (I had some urgent post for her).

Had supper at Angi and watched American Idols.  Only got home at 7.45pm.  Bird came over - she was waiting for us to come home so she could come visit.  We bathed the girls & I did the bottle brigade.  Bird took Jess for the night.  I medicated myself up to the eyeballs and had a good night sleep, only woke up once.  I feel like a different person this morning.

I have called the school this morning to find out if there are other contact numbers for the homework club teachers so in the case of an emergency I can get hold of them.  I hope they will write their personal cell numbers in Jade's homework book.  Jade's teacher Ms Pears suggested that I apply to the school for a subsidy.  I have asked for the forms and the Administrator said that the subsidies had already been finalised, but to fill in the application form and submit it next term for consideration.

I have cancelled my appointment for Chiro for tomorrow.  I just don't have the money anymore .  I'm just going to have to take lots of pain pills and hope I can cope.  I'm not at peace with having the surgery.

Stop the bus I want to get off.

I'm tired, just bone weary tired. Emotionally, physically and mentally tired. I just want to curl up in a dark room and be left alone.

I'm tired of waking up every hour with Jess during the night, I wish we could both just sleep through the night - for a couple of nights or like forever.

I'm tired of sickness, mine, Jade's and Jessica.  Medical bills are bankrupting me.

I'm tired of being in pain.  Wish my coccyx would get better - I have good days and bad days - more bad than good though.  I'm contemplating having it surgically removed.  Grant wanted to do another internal manipulation yesterday.  I was already in so much pain that the thought of having more inflicted was not bearable.  Besides I just started my period and having someone being anywhere near my privates was not acceptable.

Today my mantle of responsibility weights heavily on my shoulders.  My soul is in darkness today and my mood is dour.

But I must soldier on.  I have no choice.  I plod, head bent, one foot in front of the other....  conquering the day second by second - to contemplate anything more would be overwhelming.

The day did not start off well.  I woke up with a stiff neck.  Didn't sleep well even though the girls weren't home.  Bird said that Jess only woke twice during the night, but the 2^nd time she screamed for quite a while until Bird gave her some Panado.  Jess fed quite well though.

I've already told you about how much pain I was in and about Chiro.  My next appointment is Friday.  All things considered (dependant on pain and period), Grant might do an internal.  I'm thinking of canceling my appointment.  I just can't afford to keep paying R110 per 20min consult.  My medical aid is already exhausted so all Dr's visits and meds are for my personal payment.

By the end of the day I was glad to go home.  Dropped off my lift club peoples and went to Anchorage to fetch Jade.  When I got there the car was not there, then I remembered that on Tuesday Angi has dog training. I tried to call on her cell but just got voice mail.  So I went back to Uvongo to the sports ground.  Eventually found where car was parked.  I took Jess out the snug and safe and carried her in my arms to the club house.  Couldn't find Johan or the girls so I trudged down to the end field to where the Dogs were in training.  It was spitting and cold and I had Jess bundled up and I thankfully had my windbreaker on.  When I got to where Angi was she was surprised to see me.  She said that Johan and the girls were at home????  I trudged back across the fields and up the embankment and by now Jess was a dead weight in my arms.  While in Uvongo I stopped to get Fish n chips for supper.  I didn't get the chips as I don't like starches often.  By the time I got back to anchorage it was 6pm and Angi had just arrived. I didn't even get out the car, just got Jade in and we went home.

After eating I took 2 Cataflam.  We watched the Amazing Race and Jade went to bed.  I watched Law and Order, did bottles and dishes, watched Special Assignment about giving ex convicts a 2^nd chance and the story of a gangster made good and giving back to the community he once terrorized.  With Robin's history, I wanted to watch.  It was after 11 before I went to bed and Jess started her wake up every hour / hour and half.  My new meds must have a sedative component coz I'm really battling.  I came close to loosing my temper with Jess last night.  Jade eventually crawled into bed with us and calmed Jess down.

Or should that be – I am a pain.

My coccyx is very sore today, must be the change in weather, it’s quite nippy today and the winter chill is definitely in the air.  My kneeling chair arrived yesterday and I need to get used to it, but so far it really is NOT comfortable and not easier to sit on.  I even tried sitting on the kneeling part which is tilted back and using the seat part to support my back, but it also is not comfortable and I solicited a few double takes as people walked past my office this morning in it looked like I was sitting on the floor.  I’ve spent a good part of the morning standing at my desk and bent over to work.

One thing about being a woman that I didn’t miss while being pregnant is not having a menstrual cycle.  It feels like my left ovary is going to explode and I’d love to just curl up with a hottie.

My neck is also not good today.  It’s been a while since I last had neck problems.  I’m so stiff today that I cannot move my head from side to side and I’m doing the robot turn at the waist.